Gaylord Diaz's Blog

THE PROBLEM WITH CONDITIONAL LOVE, continued

4. CONDITIONAL LOVE LEADS TO HATRED.  Another problem with conditional love is it leads to hatred. You see, when your love is conditional you’ll eventually come to a point where you quit loving a person because they’ve messed up. Now when you quit loving a brother or sister, you have a different attitude towards them. You treat them differently. You behave and act differently towards them. You may, or may not, try to hide the change that’s come over you. But the change is pretty noticeable and obvious to the person you’ve quit loving.

Now this change in your attitude, conduct, or behavior arouses the baser sentiments of human nature. More often than not, it leads the person you’ve quit loving to hate, despise, or resent you. They see what kind of friend you really are, what kind of love you really have for them, and they hate or despise you for it. You were a hypocrite all along, pretending you were a lifelong friend with an undying love for them. I can’t begin to tell you how many people I’ve run across who hate and despise many of us who’ve been faithful and obedient to the Lord and His Word. They hate us because we cut them off and treated them badly the moment they did something we didn’t like or agree with. Conditional love, I’m saying, eventually leads to hatred.

In the framework of our human love for one another, there is a broad spectrum between love and hate. It’s possible to be right in the middle where you don’t love a person, but, at the same time, you don’t hate him either. You would never hate somebody: you just don’t love the person in question.

The only problem with this is it isn’t Scriptural. You see, THE BIBLE SPEAKS ONLY OF LOVE OR HATRED WITH NO MIDDLE GROUND IN BETWEEN. YOU EITHER LOVE SOMEONE OR YOU DON’T. AND WHEN YOU DON’T, OR WHEN YOU QUIT LOVING SOMEONE, GOD SEES THAT AS HATRED. 

1 John 2:10-11 makes this real plain, He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him. {11} But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes. The Scriptures make it plain that the only thing you can do with your brother or sister in the Lord is, you can either love them or else hate them: there’s no middle ground in between. We hesitate using the word ‘hate’ because we know Christians aren’t supposed to hate anyone. But as far as God’s concerned, if we don’t love someone, then for all practical purposes, we hate them. God sees lovelessness and hatred as one and the same thing.

1 John 3:14-15 bears this truth out, We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death. {15} Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. You see, friends, the Bible doesn’t make a distinction between the failure or refusal to love someone and the decision to hate him. Not loving someone is the same thing as hating him. 1 John 4:20 sums and seals up this truth, If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother whom he hath seen, how can he love God whom he hath not seen?

Seen in this light, HATRED IS NOT ONLY THE DECISION TO HATE:  IT’S  ALSO  THE  DECISION  NOT  TO LOVE.   HATRED IS NOT ONLY ACTIVE HATRED,  BUT ALSO PASSIVE  LOVELESSNESS.  Brethren, when  you refuse to love someone or when you quit loving someone, God sees you as you hating that person—they’re both one and the same thing. And the sooner you admit this truth the sooner you’ll take seriously your decision not to love someone anymore. Why is it such a serious thing to quit loving someone? Read on.

5. CONDITIONAL LOVE WILL ULTIMATELY KILL YOU. Sooner or later, your conditional love will kill you. Let me tell you what I mean.

GOD DOESN’T CONSIDER YOU HIS OWN IF YOU DON’T LOVE YOUR BROTHER OR SISTER IN THE LORD. As far as He’s concerned, you don’t belong to Him. 1 John 3:10, In this the children of God are manifest, and the children of the devil: whosoever doeth not righteousness is not of God, neither he that loveth not his brother.

YOU ARE A LIAR. 1 John 4:20, If a man say, I love God, and hateth his brother, he is a liar: for he that loveth not his brother  whom  he  hath  seen, how  can  he  love  God whom he hath not seen?  You say you love God. But God sees that as one big fat lie.  As far as He’s concerned, you don’t  love  Him–not if you don’t love your brother or sister in the Lord at the same time. We give ourselves the liberty of loving God and not loving a brother  or  sister.  But  God  doesn’t  give  us  that liberty. God makes no such distinction. If you don’t love your brother or sister in the Lord you don’t love God either. For you to say otherwise only makes you a liar. And as a liar, you won’t be living in Heaven: But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars,  shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death (Revelation 21:8).

You see, from God’s point of view, you cannot love Him and hate your brother or sister at the same time. You cannot love Him without loving the brethren too. If you love God, you’ve got to love the brethren too. 1 John 4:21 makes this very clear, And this commandment have we from him, That he who loveth God love his brother also. 1 John 5:1 goes right on to say, Whosoever believeth that Jesus is the Christ is born of God: and every one that loveth him that begat (the Father) loveth him also that is begotten of him (one who has been born of God, a Christian).

YOU ARE A MURDERER. 1 John 3:15, Whosoever hateth his brother is a murderer: and ye know that no murderer hath eternal life abiding in him. You may never have pulled a gun or knife on someone  and  taken  the   life   of  another  human  being.  But there’s more to murder than just murder. There’s another form of murder, another way to kill, and that is hatred.  Hatred is murder!  WHEN YOU HATE SOMEONE, WHEN YOU DON’T LOVE THE BRETHREN, YOU BECOME A MURDERER IN GOD’S EYES. AND AS LONG AS YOU REFUSE TO LOVE THE BRETHREN IN QUESTION YOU REMAIN A MURDERER.

AS A HATER AND MURDERER OF THE BRETHREN, YOU DON’T HAVE ETERNAL LIFE. You are abiding in death, which is to say, for all practical purposes, it’s as if you never got saved. 1 John 2:9-11 reads, He that saith he is in the light, and hateth his brother, is in darkness even until now. {10} He that loveth his brother abideth in the light, and there is none occasion of stumbling in him. {11} But he that hateth his brother is in darkness, and walketh in darkness, and knoweth not whither he goeth, because that darkness hath blinded his eyes. 1 John 3:14 echoes the same truth, We know that we have passed from death unto life, because we love the brethren. He that loveth not his brother abideth in death.

Friends, YOU CANNOT HATE THE BRETHREN AND STILL LIVE. YOU CANNOT LIVE WITH HATRED OR LOVELESSNESS IN YOUR HEART! IT’LL EVENTUALLY KILL YOU.  When  you  decide  you  aren’t  going  to love a brother or sister in the Lord anymore, at that point, you’re jeopardizing your place in glory. It’s just not worth it! NO PERSON—NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU HATE THEM—IS WORTH GOING TO HELL OVER.

Brethren, take your decision not to love a brother or sister in the Lord seriously, very seriously, because it’s a serious thing to hate and murder the brethren. It’s a crime punishable by eternal death in the lake of fire.

Coming Up On My Next Blog Post, Part 4. To stop loving conditionally we’ve got to relinquish control.  It’s a tough one. But not nearly as tough as Hell. Drop by and let’s bury conditional love. Everyone in your life will be glad you did.