Gaylord Diaz's Blog

Christians can feel good about themselves. It’s alright for them to have a healthy dose, but not an overdose,  of positive self-esteem. I’d now like to look at our own self-esteem in relation to God, others, and ourself. First, let’s look at our own view of ourself in relation to ourself. Here are some guidelines that I see in Scripture about the kind of self-esteem that we should have.

OUR VIEW OF OURSELF IN RELATION TO OURSELF

A. OUR ESTEEM OF OURSELF SHOULD BE HONEST AND TRUE. God doesn’t want us to lie about anything, including ourself. There are certain things about ourself and our achievements that are good or laudable. To lie about them is as much a lie and sinful as lying about anything else. For example, if we’re good at drawing it isn’t wrong to admit that. The wrong and the lie is in saying we’re not good at drawing. By all means, we should be humble and modest about the truth. But lying about ourself or our achievements isn’t humility or modesty: it’s lying. And you can’t have good self-esteem built on lies about yourself.

Besides this, when you disparage and depreciate what God has done for you or in you in terms of your character, personality, or achievements, you’re robbing God of the glory that is rightfully His. It’s every bit the same as you telling God  that  everything  He  did  for you really isn’t that big a deal, it isn’t that important, it’s not anything to brag on Him about. The way I see it, minimizing or belittling God’s works is a real insult to God.

Going back to Scripture, Paul had no qualms about saying he wasn’t inferior to any of the Lord’s apostles (2 Corinthians 11:5, 12:11). It was the truth and he had no problems saying or admitting it. The point in all this is, our view of ourself should be accurate and true.

B. WE SHOULD BE MODEST AND HUMBLE ABOUT OURSELF. The truth doesn’t have to make us proud. Yes, we may be a good artist. But we don’t have to be proud about it. We may have accomplished a lot of things and achieved great wealth or success. But we don’t have to be proud about it. Paul had no qualms about putting himself on equal footing with the Lord’s apostles, but he was humble enough to see himself as the least of the apostles (1 Corinthians 15:9). He even went so far as to regard himself as the least of all saints (Ephesians 3:8). The lesson we can learn here is, it’s possible for us to have good self-esteem and still be humble. Good self-esteem doesn’t have to make us proud, conceited, arrogant, or contemptible. We can feel good about ourself and still be humble (1 Peter 5:5-6).

C. DON’T SEEK GLORY FOR YOURSELF. DON’T TOOT YOUR OWN HORN.  You should feel good about yourself—sin excepted of course. But you shouldn’t be proud or seek honor and glory for yourself. Proverbs 25:27 reads, It is not good to eat much honey: so for men to search their own glory is not glory. Proverbs 27:2, Let another man praise thee, and not thine own mouth; a stranger, and not thine own lips.  Proverbs 20:6 asks, Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?

D. GIVE ALL THE GLORY TO GOD. Instead of taking all the credit for yourself, give God all the glory. Point men to God and let them know that He’s the reason for your success or goodness. Everything you have comes from Him (1 Chronicles 29:14, 1 Timothy 6:17, James 1:17). It was He who helped you and enabled you for your success (Philippians 4:13). It was He who was working in you all along (Philippians 2:13). You are who you are by the grace of God (1 Corinthians 15:10). Good and godly self-esteem, brethren, will always end up at the throne of God and glorify Him because He really is the reason for everything we have, are, and have accomplished.

OUR VIEW OF OURSELF IN RELATION TO OTHERS

QUIT COMPARING YOURSELF WITH OTHERS. Most people’s self-esteem is built or based on comparison. We compare ourself with others and, depending on who we’re comparing ourselves with, we either inflate ourself with arrogance and pride in being better than others; or else we deflate and depress ourself with a sense of worthlessness and failure because we’re not as good as others.

Take our physical features for an example. Beauty is almost always defined in relation to others. We’re either more beautiful than others, or else we’re ugly compared to all the other beautiful people around us. The same can be said about success, achievement, ability, intelligence, and a host of other things that we judge in relation to others.

Friend, you need to quit comparing yourself with others. Proper and godly self-esteem is not built or based on comparison. It’s built on your own recognition and realization that you are God’s handiwork. It’s He who formed and made you. It’s He who gave you your personality, talents and abilities.  It’s  He  who  endowed  you with the intelligence that you’ve got. Of course, you’ve had a hand in everything about yourself: you’ve either improved God’s handiwork for the better, or else you’ve made a mess of yourself by living a carnal, self-centered, sinful life. The point is, in spite of what God gave to, and did for, the countless other people around and beside you, you are still God’s unique handiwork, His very own work in progress, and you must be content and accept yourself for who and what you are right now.

Friend, when you look at yourself in the mirror, when you judge yourself, look only at the person staring back at you in the mirror. Get everyone else out of the picture. Quit comparing yourself with others. Recognize God’s hand on your life. Accept with gratitude His grace and blessings upon you. And use whatever’s wrong, bad, or inferior about you as a launching pad to obey God more and be more of the person that God wants you to be.

BE HUMBLE. For better or worse, we live in a world surrounded by people. You can’t always leave people out of the picture. You live with them. They’re everywhere around you. So, while you mustn’t compare yourself with others, you nevertheless have to know how to behave or respond whenever you’re around people.

Having good self-esteem is important for yourself. But when it comes to other people the greater, more important thing is for you to be humble. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5) . To be truly humble you need to change the way you look at people. Instead of thinking you’re better than them you need to do the exact opposite and think of them as being better than yourself. Philippians 2:3 exhorts us to  Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves.  Friend,  whenever  you’re  tempted  to become proud of yourself, look at the good in others, focus on their strengths and virtues, walk in their shoes, and you just might be surprised to find out that they really are better than you.

OUR VIEW OF OURSELF IN RELATION TO GOD

It’s important and beneficial for us to have a good esteem of ourself. But as soon as we bring God into the picture and stand in His presence we need to set our self-esteem aside and humble ourself before God (James 4:10). Our view of ourself—no matter how accurate and true—must change and become what we really, truly are in God’s sight. And what is that? As the text of Scripture reads, We are unprofitable servants (Luke 17:10). No one will glory in God’s presence (1 Corinthians 1:29). There’ll be no bragging or boasting. God, and God alone, gets all the glory. Always, at all times, in all things, we remain humble in God’s presence and give Him the glory for everything we are, everything we have, and everything we’ve done.

I’ve said all along that it’s important, good, and beneficial for us to have a good self-esteem. I speak on the assumption that we’re walking with the Lord and living uprightly before Him. Friends, you ought not feel good about yourself if you’re in sin! A bad person shouldn’t feel good about himself or herself. Good self-esteem comes from being good. If you’re bad and you feel good about yourself, you’re self-deceived and you’re fooling yourself into Hell. The Devil—not the Lord—makes you feel good about your sins.

I’ve also said that your esteem of yourself should be accurate, honest, and true. The problem here is that it’s so easy for us to be blind sided and not see the truth about ourself. There may be some things or truths about  ourself  that we’d rather not admit or acknowledge. This is where the good Lord comes in. We need to let the Lord tell us what He thinks about us. It’s important for us to feel good about ourself. But the greater question is, How does the Lord feel about us? What does He think about us? Does He see us the same way we see ourself?

The answer, quite plainly, is God doesn’t always see us the same way we see ourself. Proverbs 16:2 tells us that  All the ways of a man are clean in his own eyes; but the LORD weigheth the spirits. Proverbs 21:2 similarly reads, Every way of a man is right in his own eyes: but the LORD pondereth the hearts. Proverbs 30:12, There is a generation that are pure in their own eyes, and yet is not washed from their filthiness.

The point in all these is, there are times when we think we’re alright, but really we’re not—not in God’s eyes. We can have good self-esteem without God having the same esteem toward us.

Having a good, positive, healthy, godly self-esteem is, first and foremost, a matter of letting God tell us what He thinks about us. Our esteem must come from Him! Brethren, do you want to feel good about yourself? Go to God. Let Him tell you what He thinks about you. (A) If the news is bad, confess and repent of your sin/s, get things right with God, then start doing what’s right. Remember, good self-esteem comes from being good. (B) If the news is good and the Spirit doesn’t convict you of any wrong doing, then give God the glory, build on His good report, then start seeing yourself the same way God sees you. Let God—not you, or the Devil, or other people—be the ultimate source of how you think, feel, and view yourself. [You may be interested in reading my post  THINKING ‘BOUT ME if you’re struggling to believe God loves you. It’s worth the read and it’ll change your life!]

While the Lord commands us to be humble and not proud, I’ve found that THE BIBLE DOESN’T ENCOURAGE US TO HAVE BAD, POOR, OR LOW SELF-ESTEEM. We’re commanded to deny and crucify self. But we’re never commanded or encouraged to hate ourself. I know Luke 14:26 tells us to hate our own life. The Lord isn’t talking about self-esteem here. The phrase is a Hebraic way of saying don’t love your own life more than you love me (see Matthew 10:37).

To the contrary, and perhaps much to our surprise,  WE ARE COMMANDED TO LOVE OURSELF! Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself (Leviticus 19:18, Matthew 22:36-40, Mark 12:31, Galatians 5:14, James 2:8). The command was first given to Moses, then Jesus reiterated it, and Paul and James did too! And since that time, the love of neighbor and self has come to be known as the Great Commandment and Royal Law of Scripture.

As astounding as it may sound, brethren, IT ISN’T A SIN TO LOVE OURSELF. Like I’ve said already, the love of self so often leads to sin in the form of carnality, selfishness, and a life without God. No one’s arguing or denying that point. I’m not saying we should be proud, conceited, or self-centered. All I’m saying is God’s trying to tell us something about ourself and we need to listen. And what is He trying to tell us? That it’s okay to love ourself. In fact, He commands it! And it’s a command that doesn’t come with any rebukes or prohibitions.

In, of, and by itself, loving ourself isn’t sinful or wrong. Go back to the Great Commandment and Royal Law. If loving ourself is sinful and wrong God would never have  commanded  us  to  love  our  neighbor based on a love that’s sinful and wrong, namely, the love of self. GOD, BRETHREN, RECOGNIZES THE FACT THAT—EXCEPTIONS AND SPIRITUAL OPPRESSION ASIDE—ALL OF US LOVE OURSELF. HE DOESN’T DENY OR FORBID THAT. TO THE CONTRARY, HE WANTS US TO USE THIS LOVE OF SELF AS THE MEASURE BY WHICH WE LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR. WE ARE TO LOVE OUR NEIGHBOR AS MUCH AS–OR IN THE SAME WAY THAT–WE LOVE OURSELF.

WHY THE LOVE OF SELF IS SO NECESSARY AS GOD SEES IT

Within reason, LOVING OURSELF IS A GOOD AND HEALTHY THING. Why is that? Because WE TAKE CARE OF WHAT WE LOVE. Paul puts it this way in Ephesians 5:28-29, So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. {29} For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church. If we didn’t love ourself we wouldn’t take care of ourself. We would abuse and misuse ourself. But the truth of the matter is, we take care of ourself because we love ourself. The love is what gives rise to, it’s what causes, the care. Said another way, PROPER CARE AND NURTURE OF OURSELF REQUIRES THAT WE LOVE OURSELF.

With this understanding in mind, the reason why it’s crucial for us to love ourself in relation to our neighbor is this. If we love our neighbor as ourself we’ll take care of our neighbor in the same way we take care of ourself. This is why all the commandments are fulfilled when we love our neighbor as ourself: For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Galatians 5:14). Romans 13:8-10 echoes the refrain:  Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law. {9} For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. {10} Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.

LOVING OURSELF, I’M SAYING, IS A GOOD AND HEALTHY THING. IT’S IMPORTANT AND NECESSARY—BOTH FOR OURSELF AND FOR OUR NEIGHBOR. AND IT’S AN ACT OF OBEDIENCE TO GOD.

Coming Up In My Next Blog Post, Part 5: How God wants us to view ourself.

THE TWO FLAWS OR WEAKNESSES OF SELF-ESTEEM

The Flaw Of Comparison. No matter what kind of self-esteem you have—good or bad—there are two inherent flaws in self-esteem. No degree of good self-esteem is truly good until or unless these two flaws are remedied. The first flaw is that of comparison. Most people’s self-esteem is gained by comparing oneself with others. Consider the five things that we base our self-esteem on. We can talk about our looks, our character, our acceptance, our abilities, or our achievements. We judge ourself in relation to others: we don’t look as pretty as Betty Sue, we’re not as patient as Randy John, we’re just not as good at painting as Mattie Mae, and we haven’t been successful like Billy Ray. Do you see what I mean? We compare ourself with other people and the results of that comparison become the basis and content of our self-esteem.

The problem with comparison-based self-esteem is there’ll always be people who are better than us—people who, though unintentionally perhaps—ruin our self-esteem. And conversely, there’ll always be people who are not as good as us—inducing us to pride and arrogance. Friends, we’ll never really, truly feel good about ourself as long as we compare ourself with others.

The Flaw Of Godlessness. I think it’s healthy, rewarding, and fulfilling for people to have good self-esteem. I wouldn’t want to live life feeling bad about, and hating, myself. So I think it’s good for people to think good about themselves. But the greater, more important question is, What does God think about me? I may feel good about myself, but does God have, or share, the same feeling about me? Hell, no doubt, is full of people who lived life feeling good about themselves—in spite of the fact that they were abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate, Titus 1:6.

In the end, when every human being stands before the judgment seat of God to be sentenced either to endless bliss in Heaven or endless torment in Hell, our self-esteem counts for nothing if God is not a part—yea, the central part, of our life. This is the second flaw of self-esteem. No matter how good a perception we have of ourself, self-esteem without God as the Master and Lord of our life will not spare us eternal pain and misery in Hell. Self-esteem is really, truly good only when we let God shape our opinion and view of ourself.

CHRISTIANS AND SELF-ESTEEM

Should Christians have self-esteem? Yes, according to a lot of Christians. But you’d be surprised to find Christians, not a few, who believe that self-esteem has no place in the Christian life. From where I stand, an honest inquiry into the facts will show that every human being has self-esteem. It’s the way we’re built. It comes with being human. We can’t get rid of it any more than we can get rid of our own human nature. As long as we’re human and alive, we all have self-esteem. The difference is the kind, or amount, of self-esteem that we have. So let me reword the question. What does God want us to do with our self-esteem? Does He even want us to have self-esteem? Should we rid ourselves of self-esteem? If not, then what kind of self-esteem does God want us to have? Wow! Is this interesting or what? Let’s see what the Bible has to say.

GOD DOESN’T WANT US TO BE PROUD

It goes without saying that God doesn’t want us to be proud, arrogant, conceited, or vain. 1 Peter 5:5-6 admonishes us, Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all of you be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble. {6} Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. Paul had something to say about pride when he told us in Romans 12:3, For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. Of course, Philippians 2:3 is the classic Scripture passage that instructs us to esteem others better than ourself: Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. God, brethren, doesn’t want to be proud.

GOD’S PROHIBITION AGAINST PRIDE ISN’T A PROHIBITION AGAINST SELF-ESTEEM

Unfortunately, many Christians stop with God’s prohibition against pride and don’t consider the rest of what God had to say about self-esteem. Some things that God said are commonly overlooked or ignored because we want to concentrate on the main thing that God’s telling us, which is, Don’t be conceited or vain! Main point acknowledged. But in all fairness and honesty to God, we’ve got to listen to everything He said. I suppose if it wasn’t important He wouldn’t have said it.

Romans 12:3 is a good example. For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think (Romans 12:3). God, brethren, doesn’t want us to be proud and conceited. But His prohibition against vanity and conceit isn’t a prohibition against us having some kind of regard, respect, or esteem for ourself. He doesn’t want us to think more highly of ourself than we ought to think, but that’s not to say—it’s not the same as saying—that God doesn’t want us to think anything of ourself. The fact is, God wants us to think, we ought to think,  something about ourself—just not more highly that we ought to think less we become conceited, vain, arrogant, and proud. God, I am saying, is telling us it’s alright, within reason, for us to have self-esteem.

Coming Up On My Next Blog Post, Part 4: Loving self versus hating self and what God has to say.

THE PROFOUND INFLUENCES ON OUR SELF-ESTEEM

Our self-esteem is profoundly influenced by our social environment. The greatest of these influences is our home: our parents in particular and our siblings as well. Our earliest perceptions of ourself are based on things that our family say to us and about us. And they’re also based on the way they treat us. With lots of love, positive affirmation, and wholesome teaching or training we grow up feeling good about ourself because we sense the love and value bestowed upon us by our parents and siblings. Naturally, the converse is true. A troubled, abusive family setting is injurious to our self-esteem and the effects of that loveless relationship haunt us for the greater part, even the remainder, of our life.

Besides our parents and family, the people in our life affect the way we think about ourself. Our teachers, classmates, pastors, neighbors, relatives, coworkers, and friends all play a role in contributing to our own perceptions about ourself. Their opinions, criticisms, and positive affirmations form the basis of what we believe about ourself. Now what’s true with family is also true with our social network: a positive social environment produces a healthy self-esteem. And a negative social environment, an unhealthy one. The people we hang around with the most are the ones who have the most impact on the way we view ourself.

THE THINGS THAT MAKE UP OUR SELF-ESTEEM

How, exactly, do we go about forming or developing our self-esteem? There are five basic factors that go into the makeup or development of our self-esteem.

1. OUR LOOKS. As children, our very first perception of ourself centers around our looks: our gender, skin color, hair color, length, and style; our body shape and size; our height and weight; and our facial characteristics, i.e. the size and contour of our nose, the shape of our eyes and mouth, our facial hair, etc. As we enter puberty and adolescence we lay a lot of stress on our facial features, sexual endowments, and current hair and clothing fads. Our very first perception of ourself as beautiful, ugly, comely, or attractive is based on the way we look.

2. OUR ACCEPTANCE. As we enter puberty and adolescence we continue to lay a lot of stress on our facial features, sexual endowments, and overall bodily appearance. We do this as a means to an end; it’s what we think we have to do to get what we want. And what is that?  We want to be liked and accepted by our peers. This is where our preoccupation with current hair and clothing fads or fashions come in. We spend a great deal of time and money making ourselves attractive and appealing—especially to the opposite sex because we desperately want to be loved and accepted. We want to fit in, blend in, and be like everyone else in our age group. Our teen years are devoted to popularity and acceptance. Our self-esteem at this age is determined by how well we are liked and accepted. Popularity and likeability produce good self-esteem. And rejection and ridicule produce a disastrously bad or low self-esteem.

3. OUR CHARACTER. As we enter our later teen years we are not as bound by peer pressure as before. We are free to explore who we really are. While looks and fashion are still important elements of our self-perception, they are no longer the sole, most important determinant of our self-esteem. We begin assessing our value, dignity, and worth on something that has become more important to us, and that is our psychological, spiritual makeup. We start building self-esteem on who we are as a person. We judge ourselves based our personality, behavior, and character; on our morals, beliefs, and goals in life. If we like what we’ve become in terms of our personality and pursuits we’ll have good self-esteem. Contrariwise, if we despise who we are because of our weaknesses, addictions, and aimlessness  in life we’ll have poor self-esteem.

4. OUR CAPABILITIES. As we leave our schooling behind and enter the work force we begin to define our self-esteem in terms of our abilities.

(a) Our abilities includes our intelligence or how mentally-equipped we are to perform certain tasks and succeed. When we get a job that we can do well in and succeed vocationally as well as financially, we get a good feeling about ourself and remain optimistic about life. But when we have a job that we’re just not capable of doing well, we see ourself as a dunce and a failure in life.

(b) Our abilities include our emotional makeup and how well we are prepared to handle the stresses of the job, the stresses of a long-term relationship with a member of the opposite sex, and the stresses of life in general. We all are faced with difficulties and trials. A person who copes well and is able to get past the defeats and difficulties will feel good   about   himself or herself  and   his or her  resulting   resiliency   will contribute toward a positive outlook in life. But a person who doesn’t cope with life’s struggles will get angry and bitter. Unfortunately, this inability to cope contributes to a sense of failure and the onslaught of despair or depression.

(c) Lastly, our abilities include our physical makeup. As men, the health and stamina to work hard and provide a good living bring a sense of inner satisfaction and fulfillment. For domestically-inclined women, the ability to conceive children and be a good mother provides a woman with an inner sense of pride and fulfillment. A physical disability wreaks havoc on a person’s self-esteem. But, fortunately, a disabled person can rise above a defeatist mentality and do what he or she can do to live an independent, or semi-independent, life and thereby enhance his or her self-esteem.

5. OUR ACHIEVEMENTS. As we enter our mid-life and senior years, our self-esteem comes to be based on what we’ve accomplished, or failed to accomplish, in life. It’s a reflective, meditative time in life when we look back over the course of our life and see whether our life has counted for anything. We look at the goals and dreams we had in life when we were young, then we look at ourself now and we judge ourself based on how well we lived up to our goals and dreams. Our self-esteem becomes one of pride and satisfaction, or else sorrow and regret.

Coming Up On My Next Blog Post, Part 3: Two flaws of self-esteem and the question of whether Christians should have self-esteem.

In this post and the next four, I’d like to tackle the complex, if not touchy, issue of Christians and self-esteem. Should Christians have self-esteem? How should Christians view themselves? Is it wrong to feel good about ourself? Does God want us to have a deprecatory view of ourself? Does the Bible have anything to say about what we should think and feel about ourself?

Let me say at the outset that I’m not a trained or professional psychologist. I’m a Christian minister. I’m interested, first of all, in what God, not psychologists, has to say about self-esteem. And, second of all, I want to do my part in helping God’s people see themselves the way God sees them. So, with these introductory words aside, let’s get started on our Biblical voyage of self-discovery.

A DEFINITION OF SELF-ESTEEM

What Self-Esteem Is. Self-esteem comes from a Greek word meaning ‘reverence for self’; to honor, respect, revere self. The thought is rather frightening to many of us Christians who equate reverence with the worship of God. But there’s nothing idolatrous about reverencing oneself. We reverence, honor, or respect our parents, our elders, pastors, and government leaders. There’s nothing idolatrous, sinful, or wrong with that. In fact, the Bible commands us to honor and respect these aforementioned people. Self-esteem, simply put, is to reverence, honor, and respect yourself just the same way you reverence, honor, and respect the important, esteemed people in your life.

A commonly-accepted definition of self-esteem is pride in oneself; self-respect; a sense of one’s dignity or worth. Frankly, the definition doesn’t do a whole lot for me. There’s a vagueness to it that leaves me still wondering what self-esteem is. The simplest way I know to describe or define self-esteem is this: self-esteem is the way you look at yourself. It’s what you think about yourself. You take a good, long look at yourself and after you’re done with your introspection you accept who, and what, you are. You’re satisfied with yourself. You have a favorable opinion of yourself. In essence, self-esteem is self-acceptance. 

Turning a corner just a bit, feelings are so fluid and subject to change, so I’ll use the term rather loosely here hoping you’ll understand exactly what I mean. Self-esteem is feeling good about yourself. It’s having good thoughts about yourself. Going back to the Greek, you reverence, honor, and respect yourself.

What Self-Esteem Is Not. Let me set things straight here and say at the outset that self-esteem is not the same as being arrogant, egotistical, conceited, or vain. It can certainly lead to that if you don’t discipline yourself to have an honest, humble opinion of yourself. But just because you think well of yourself doesn’t automatically mean you’re proud. As we’ll see in the apostle Paul’s case, it’s possible to have good self-esteem and still be humble and modest. There’s a Biblical balance between low self-esteem and high self-esteem, between self-depreciation and self-aggrandizement. I’m hoping that as I bring the Biblical texts to your attention you will come to see this balance for yourself and start having a positive, God-glorifying view of yourself.

VARYING DEGREES OF SELF-ESTEEM

There are varying levels of self-esteem. It’s like temperature. Temperature ranges from super hot to super cold. In between these two extremes are a wide range of hot and cold temperatures. In the same way, our self-esteem can range from really bad to really good; from really low to really high. A person with no, bad, or low self-esteem doesn’t think much of himself. He has no self-respect. He hates himself. He’s constantly belittling himself. He battles rejection, depression, and masochism. He is self-tormenting, self-condemning, and self-destructive.

At the other end of the self-esteem continuum is the person who has too high an opinion of himself. He’s conceited and vain. He’s afflicted with feelings of superiority. He’s egotistical, arrogant and contemptible of others. He’s deceived himself into thinking he’s somebody he really isn’t.

Somewhere between these two extremes of self-esteem is the right amount of self-esteem that is healthy, good, and beneficial. You’re at peace with yourself. You love yourself. You don’t hate or belittle yourself. You’re confident. You’re secure. You accept who you are. You quit trying to be someone you’re not.

THE CHANGING NATURE OF SELF-ESTEEM

Self-esteem is like the process of maturation. It takes us years of time to grow, develop, and mature—not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, behaviorally, intellectually, etc. We’re changing. We’re growing up. The process of growth and maturity differs for each one of us. But, without our really knowing it, we all come to a particular point in time, we come to a particular stage in life, where we become mature. That doesn’t mean we quit growing: it just means we no longer grow as fast. Our character, our belief system, our personality, our habits—everything about us—is pretty much set and we are who we’re going to be for the rest of our life.

In much the same way, our perception about ourself changes quite a bit. With the years, and with the varied stages and circumstances of life, we change the way we think about, and look at, ourself. It can be a really confusing, unsettling time of life as we search for our identity, come to grips with who we really, truly are, and identify the meaning and purpose of our life. Then, just like maturity, we reach a definite point in time—somewhere in adulthood—where we’re pretty much settled about who we are and what we think about ourself. Whether good or bad or just right; our perception about ourself doesn’t change a whole lot anymore. From there on out, we live with the same self-esteem that we have for the rest of our life.

Coming Up On My Next Blog Post, Part 2: What we base our self-esteem on and the factors that influence our self-esteem.